The time I held you in my arms
by Snow Cold Lily
Summary: Kankuro is still grieving over the loss of his love. He can't stop thinking about her and is trying to get over her. But the memories are hunting is mind. Will he ever get over the sorrow?


Okay, my first Kankuro whatever fic. I was inspired by the song, Forever walking alone and when I read the text I started writing. (You know, the song from FF7? By Dragonland? Oh well…)

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**The time I held you in my arms:**

_**Alone I travel through the wasteland in my heart. As the grievance tears me apart**_

The sky, no stars were lit. All dark and a lonely person in the outskirt of Suna. Kankuro sat there and thought of a precious person of his that now were gone. They had been there often, watching the stars in the arms of each other. Giggling and laughing haunted his mind.

Kankuro hugged his knees. A habit he had developed after the loss of his better part. He thought of when he first had met her.

_**Thinking of you and the things you meant to me. My heart is bleeding, I can't go on**_

_Flashback:_

After Gaara was kidnapped, Kankuro had fought Sasori and lost. He ended up in the infirmary, poisoned and dying. Before Sakura and Naruto had come, another person had rolled through the doors of the hospital and was placed in the other end of the room.

Kankuro tried to get up but failed miserably and had to watch the person with a blur sight from his bed. It was a woman. And she was unconscious. Kankuro noticed that she was soaked with blood and had a huge gash on her chest.

_**If I could unwind the wheel of time, **_

Medics came to the rescue and healed the wound as good as they could. Then, they wrapped her in bandages. Kankuro looked back on her after they had finished and left. She had just woken up.

As far as he could see, she had long black hair that reached the floor from her bed. She was very pale, probable from the lack of blood. The woman stared at the roof and started sobbing. She pulled out a bloody kunai from her pocket and studied it. "Not sharp enough." she mumbled.

Kankuro could barely hear what she had said. _She… tried to kill herself? _Kankuro forced himself up into sitting position and faced the woman. _Why would she try to die? _The woman hid the kunai as she saw Kankuro staring at her.

"Are… you trying to… die?" Kankuro coughed out. She gave him a sad look. "I didn't try to kill myself. It was an accident. I was training and got careless. I couldn't dodge all of the kunais. Or… I didn't want to avoid them." The woman said bluntly. "Why… that… foolishness?" Kankuro could barely hold himself up. His arms felt like wet noodles and were about to fall back onto the bed. "It is you who are foolish, pushing yourself to do things you know your body can't handle." she spat.

Kankuro growled and fell back and arched in pain. The poison was working to well in his body. She got out of her bed and walked to him, not caring about her own pain from her wound. The young woman sat on a chair beside his bed and glanced at him. Still with her sad look, she studied him.

Short dark hair (I think he has that.) faint marks after face paint, a gash above his muscular chest and only in his black pants. "What happened?" she asked somewhat worried. "A fight… against an S-rank criminal. P-poison." The pain was too much and he could barely say anything more.

"It is spreading fast." she said and hovered her hands above his body. Kankuros vision blurred more and was on the verge of unconsciousness. Green light surrounded her hands as they moved up and down his body. Black fluids were absorbed from him and were gathered to a floating ball in her palms and then got them into one. Kankuro breathed heavily and could see a small ball of poison in her hand.

"You still got some toxin in you, so try not to move too much. It wasn't a small amount either." she said, still stoic as ever and got it into a bottle on the medic table beside the bed. Kankuro found it hard to breathe, even though most of the toxin was gone. "Okay. But why didn't you want to avoid the kunais?" he questioned her.

She went silent. "I knew the knife would hit a vital point. I… I wanted a day off you may call it." Kankuro raised his eyebrows in confusion. "It would have been much easier to just ask for one, you know." he claimed, holding a sarcastic tone. She shook her head. "No! They wouldn't understand." she blurted out.

Kankuro were now even more confused. "Who are they?" "M-my mother, my sensei and my team." the woman closed her eyes and let a tear fall. "They all think I'm weak." She turned around and walked back to her bed. Kankuro sat up and gazed at her. "They're pushing you." He saw her limb body give a nod. Just then, Naruto's team and Temari arrived and surrounded Kankuro completely, blocking the view of the girl.

Later that day, Kankuro were released and team KakaGai (Naruto, Sakura and Team Gai were there too.) went to find Gaara. Kankuro couldn't come, because he had to watch over the city meanwhile and he was still frail after the fight against Sasori. The young woman had left the infirmary before Kankuro's treatment was finished. But he had to see this woman again.

_End flashback:_

Temari were doing the dishes while Gaara very drowning in his paperwork. Temari looked out of the window towards the hill. "He's there again, isn't he?" she asked Gaara with a worried look. Gaara lowered the papers in his hands and looked at his older sister. "He sits there at least four days a week." was his answer and went back to the mount of papers.

Temari laid the dishes beside and walked to the front door. "Let him be, Temari." Gaara called. She stopped. "But someone needs to talk to him." Temari said worried. Gaara shook his head. "No. He needs to be for himself, only for a little while. Then you can talk to him." Temari were silent and nodded to his brother. "I hope he will be okay…"

_**I would have been by your side**_

Kankuro fiddled with the sand he sat on, writing names and drew some figures. "Merida…" he whispered. "Why…?" He sighed and lay back. His black hood and face paint were still there. She hated that he wore face paint and Kankuro chuckled by the thought.

_Flashback:_

Kankuro were training on the training grounds with his puppets. He had been training for hours now and suddenly, one of his puppets busted to peaces. Sighing, Kankuro picked up the pieces and started fixing his puppet that had broke for the fifth time this week. It bugged him to no end…

When finished fixing the puppet, he heard someone was training nearby. Kankuro went to see who it was. Hiding in the bushes, he observed 4 people fighting. There were three young adults, around his age and a jounin.

Three of them attacked the female on the group at the same time. She hadn't time to respond before the three boys sent her across the field. "Get up!" the jounin shouted angry at her. Kankuro could hardly see her as her long black hair covered most of her face. _Wait! Black long hair?_

The girl wobbled and got back into fighting stance. They attacked her again and she struggled to dodge most of their attacks. She blocked the kick from the jounin and kicked back, hitting the other boy in the chest. As their fight got closer to the bush where Kankuro was, he could see that the girl was the one from the hospital. She looked like a mess, bloody clothes, messy hair and covered in dirt.

Another attack sent her backwards in the air and landed beside the bush. _They aren't giving her an opening to breathe. _He looked at her in pity. He felt sorry for her and she had told him the truth. The jounin got closer to her. "That's it for today!" he yelled at her. "But tomorrow, I expect you to be better than your lousy appearance you showed today!" he then walked off with the two others, that only mocked her weakness.

The woman wiped the blood from her mouth with her sleeve and got shakily up. Kankuro watched her from the ground and broke the silence: "They do that every day, huh?" she jumped in surprise to find a man gazing at her. "Who-who are you?" the woman asked. "Forgetting me already?" he smiled and took off his hood. She studied him for a while. "You are the one from the hospital?" she questioned.

Kankuro nodded calmly and put the hood back on. "I'm sorry. I didn't recognise you with the hood and the face paint." she smiled shyly. "And yes, they do that every day till they think that I have improved." Her smile fell of. "But you never do?" Kankuro stated. She nodded. "Well, take a sick day or two and I can help you." he said bluntly and got her to her feet. "What?" she tossed. "I said: I. will. Help. You."

"Why? We don't even know each other." The girl got out from his grip on her arm. "Can I know your name?" Kankuro rolled his eyes. "It's Merida." She muttered. "Kankuro. Pleased to meet ya!" he smiled. "But I know one thing." Merida smirked to him. "You don't suit face paint." She put up a finger in front of him.

_End flashback _

Kankuro's pov:

Yeah, ever since we started training together, she scolded me for wearing face paint. It was a funny way to tease her. Merida could chase me around the training grounds for making fun of her. _GET BACK HERE, KANKURO! OR ELSE I WILL KILL YOU!_ She used to scream. _Blæ! Can't catch_ me! I stuck out my tongue at her and she got even madder. But what I remember best is when I first _almost_ kissed you.

_Yet, another flashback:_

Merida had been running after Kankuro for a half an hour now and collapsed to the ground of exhaustion. She lay there some time and waited for Kankuro to come there. And he did. He stopped about a meter away from her. Merida shot up and kicked him down. Kankuro landed on the ground with a thump. "Hah! Got you!" she mocked.

Kankuro somewhat managed to knock her down so she landed beside him. He grabbed both off her arms and pinned her to the ground. "Say again?" he teased. They wrestled for some minutes and stopped when they were tired. Suddenly, this VERY awkward silence occurred. Their faces were inches away from each other and the gap got even lesser by time.

"WAAAAAAA!" someone screamed from above. Then, two persons landed on top of Kankuro and nearly crushed him. "RENJI YOU BAKA!" Rukia screamed to the tattooed guy and tried to strangle him. "THIS ISN'T SOUL SOCIETY!" she shook Renji almost to death. "S-S-Sorr-ry, R-Rukia!" "Excuse me…" Kankuro choked out from under the pile. (Merida had somehow gotten away) "Eh?" Rukia and Renji looked down. "Not to disturb you but… could you get off me?" Kankuro finished.

"Suma..." The both climbed off the poor squished Kankuro and bowed deeply. "Now, Renji. Use your Soul slayer RIGHT! I don't want to get back to the Stone Age as last time. " Rukia scolded the read head. He took out his Soul slayer and opened a door that appeared out from nowhere. Then they both disappeared. "What the heck was that about?" Kankuro and Merida asked in union.

Merida helped Kankuro back up to his own two feet, or tried… "Sheesh, Kankuro! What have you eaten?" Merida alleged and felt the grip on the puppet master loosen. Kankuro felt his whole body was numb and sore after having two people to fall upon him. The woman could feel that her friend was dragging her with him on purpose, but she wasn't going to loose to him.

Another fight had begun, too keep and drag Kankuro on his feet. "Cut it out Kankuro!" Merida felt the puppet master's smirk and completely overwhelmed her, by getting her to the ground, to then kiss her quickly. The shock expression spread across her face, followed by a blush.

_End flashback: _

"Okay… So I did kiss her! He he. Good times!" his chuckle dimmed away and his face darkened. Kankuro looked over to where she had used to sit by the palm. It was her spot, her private thinking spot. He touched the ground but felt nothing than sand.

_Another flashback: _

"You are going where?" Kankuro asked his girlfriend he had his grip around. "I am going on a b-ranked mission in the grass country, Kankuro." She responded. "Hmm… I don't want you to go." He stated bluntly and tightened his grip around her, receiving a smirk from the girl in his arms. "I want to hold around you forever and ever." Merida chuckled and gave him a quick kiss. "No worries Kankuro." She stuck out her tongue in a childish way. "I will be fine."

The sunset was dark-red and the colour danced on the sky, making the two figures glow in the sunshine. Merida was always beautiful in Kankuro's eyes. Her voice, her hair, her eyes… he liked everything about her. Just too bad that that evening was their last one together.

_End yet another flashback: _

_**If I could turn back time,**_

Merida had later been killed on that mission. A kunai gashed through her hearth, just like she had wanted to before she stopped being suicidal. Kankuro had cried He had run away to the hill they always used to be on. He would spend hours just thinking what went wrong. But… she was fine now wasn't she? I guess… I should move on. Let her go. It wasn't my fault that she died.

**_My precious love would be alive. _**

Kankuro got up and went to his house where his siblings had been waiting for him for nearly tree hours. "Hi Kankuro!" Temari greeted happily when her little brother came through the door. "How are you feeling?" Gaara asked from behind the mountain of papers. "I think… I think I am better now, Temari-neechan and Gaara. Thank you for your concern." Kankuro put on a smile then went to his room, leaving Temari and Gaara puzzled by his sudden change of appearance.

"He will be fine, Temari." Gaara stated and held her by the legs with his sand, stopping her from going to talk to her younger brother. "But Gaara!" Temari whined and whacked the sand with the spoon. "Didn't you see his face?" Gaara asked coldly. Temari nodded. "It wasn't fake. I think he has overcome his feelings for her." He finished and let go of his sister. "I sure hope so." Temari went back to the cooking.

On Kankuro's room, he was looking through the photo album of Merida and him. He touched the picture, where they both were standing under a tree when they were in Konoha. "Can I let go now? Do you want me to move on?" Kankuro whispered to himself, looking out of the window to the moon. A gust of wind rustled his hair and made papers fly around. He looked at the scene in wonder. A paper landed in fron of Kankuro, making him look at it with curiosity.

He picked it up and inspected the paper. It was written by her, by Merida.

_I will be with you,_

_You saw me_

_You acknowledged me_

_You saved me,_

_By holding me in your arms_

_Always and forever_

_Merida_

"_The time I held you in my arms, I miss them."_

The end

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FINISHED! Okay... so I used 3 months on this one because of writers-block and so on. I don't know what to write but what the heck! GIVE ME REVIEWS! AHEM! Sorry bout that! Will you PLEASE give me your respond? 


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